One thing I really love about life is going to bed next to my Android phone, knowing that Google is just a few inches away, ready to save me from the perils of ignorance.

Google is my best friend.  She knows everything about me.  She knows my schedule, she knows my friends, she knows who I just made fun of on gchat, she knows where I'm flying, she knows what books I like, and she knows about that time I gained and lost 30 lbs on a whim.

She also tells my friends these things, apparently, because she showed this to my buddy Berry the other day:

Dear Google, I love you, but you are a wily mistress.  Could you maybe ratchet down the stalker level to a light orange or maybe a calm green?